ive hit a lul

ever played pooh sticks? where you throw sticks off a bridge into water and see which appears first on the other side? sometimes one emerges successfully, othertimes both, and sometimes the scrawnier of the sticks ends up matted in some weeds, desperately trying to catch the current but hopelessly failing? well at the moment im the weed stick and i feel like all the other sticks are floating rapidly past me.
i turned 22 yesterday. being stuck at my fucking parents’ house with a part time job is not where i thought i’d be at 22.

everything seems so stuck.

all technology i own is crashing around me, im fatter than ever and i’m skint.
mum and i are looking at buying a tearoom but i feel like it’s so far away from possibility at the moment. i need a job and money and im holding out for this to happen. i know i could make it fuckinf great if i did but for the moment im wasting time waiting. which means im not earning much. but i dont want to get a full time job and then be needed to help do this.
living at home is killing me. i desperately miss my own space. i need uninterrupted alone time and that just doesn’t happen with my family. it’s imfuriating.
everything just feels so disappointing and stagnant at the moment and im feeling a bit blue. 

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